i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
