I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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