I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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