i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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