If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
