I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
