from now on my penis is your penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
