How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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