so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
