I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
