You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
