You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she looked like the before picture.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
