Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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