I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
