I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
