I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
