make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
