yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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