When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
