I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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