for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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