Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
