Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
