Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
