You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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