OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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