I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
