We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
