I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
