how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
