I like to think it a success when the cops are called
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
