dude i'm inner monologue high
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
please don't ironically join a cult
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