I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
