Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
