I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
