No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we're making bets on your personal life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
