I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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