I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
