carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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