Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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