If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
