you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
