And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
