That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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