by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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