Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
