Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He came all over her clothes we have to leave