Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.