I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
