Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.