You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once