We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
