Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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