She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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