Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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