if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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