why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
