just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
