I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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