party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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