She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
