A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My dick has a subreddit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
