Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
