I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
