i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
