You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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