I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
