My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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