What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
