don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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