I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
