We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
