So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
