I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
