Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just google imaged poop.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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