god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
