MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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