have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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