The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
