I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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