The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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