Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize