Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
