A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
