That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
