god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Your penis caused this!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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