and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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