dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
