It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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