I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
